Coming into Syracuse I was in a totally different mind-space than where I am today. I came in frustrated I had not got into my dream college and my bratty side feeling like I had gotten the short end of the stick. (and maybe I did, considering the 2019 college admission scandals, but anyway). This frustration was partly due to parental pressure - but that's a easy thing to blame. The real issue was, I could’ve done better in High School. And I knew this. Yet, I was preoccupied and distracted by other things: I spent much of my time sneaking out; I made the rookie mistake of being driven home by the cops (twice); I was focusing on my social life and chasing after things with instant gratification, without thinking of the long term consequences - and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. These activities were not necessarily sinful, but were outward signs of an internal battle going on within myself. 

My unproductive and unhealthy habits were a part of a bigger and deeper issue: I wanted to fit in because I was scared who I was would not be accepted. I felt like a outsider. I didn’t have the same growing up experience as everyone else, I didn’t look the same as everyone around me, and honestly, I didn’t know myself enough be myself. 

Going to my public high school at 13 after being homeschooled with my 6 brothers and sisters my whole life, was no easy transition. Most people don’t know this about me, I actually transferred out of my high school after a 2 months because I was so uncomfortable, before coming back sophomore year. Most people don’t know this about me, but I’ve probably watched every YouTube channel by a mixed girl, trying to find community in my unique ethnic composition being Black, Vietnamese, and Native American. And most people don’t know how soothing something so small like piercing my ears alone in my bedroom at 14 was for me, because I become more like every other girl with their ears pierced. My insecurity within myself was so persistent I was scared to stand out, so I just wanted to blend in. 

No wonder at the time, when I was so focused on normalizing myself, I lost sight of myself and my future. I couldn’t see the how impairing my mindset was. I didn’t understand how blessed I was to even have the opportunities I have. I wouldn’t have understood then, that the only way I could grow was if I began investing in and loving myself. At the time I was very deviant from my authentic self, but also I wouldn’t describe any of my physical behaviors as extremely deviant from other teenage behavior - but that was the problem. Being normal is what keeps people, and kept me stagnant and not getting what I wanted - hence I got into a school I had never visited, never seriously considered, and was not excited about. But the silver lining in all this is I had no idea how much I needed Syracuse. 

I pushed my frustration on my college decision to the back of my mind on move-in day, as a protective measure and began thinking. I am an Aries, a cardinal fire sign, so I like to feel in control. I had always planned that if I wasn’t smart enough to go to a top university I would just go to school in Boston and find neighboring Harvard man to marry. However, I didn’t get into any schools in Boston and at Syracuse the neighboring ESF boy’s weren’t exactly the Ivy League princes that were going to sweep me off my feet.

 So I needed a new plan. I felt like I was at a crossroads with two options: A) I settle at Syracuse, let go of my prior aspirations, and “make the best of my situation” or B) I could try to makeup for my regrets and lost time in how I acted in High School, try to improve and see where that takes me. I wasn’t sure what to do yet, but later my decision was made for me. 

I remember the first few days at college I was alone, and felt awkward, but soon I began to settle in. I met my best friends these first two weeks and started to become happier. That’s around the time I stumbled upon Orangeseeds. I was at the involvement fair and I approached the table asking as I had done for all the rest “What is ____blank____;” in this case: Orangeseeds. Those Seeds explained this was a program that changed their life, themselves as a whole, and single handedly created community in the large college campus. I was intrigued, maybe a little skeptical these people were so enthusiastic about being a Orange Seed which I didn’t understanding the meaning beyond the fruit at the time, but I interested enough that I wanted to see what it’s all about. I applied two days before the due date one morning, while sitting in shorts and a T-shirt in Day Hall - unknowing of the impact this would have. 

First, getting into Orangeseeds was one of my biggest accomplishments in itself. I remember calling my mom after my interviews saying “I really want this, I think this would be really good for me.” At the time I had no idea true this was. I had never interviewed for a position before and actually gotten the part - so when Isabella among others came and knocked on my door, my whole being lit up and I cried. I cried for all the things I had wanted in the past and not gotten. I cried because in the mits of my loneliness, I felt accomplished. I cried because my unconscious knew how life-altering this would be. And I cried because the program saw something in me that I couldn’t even see in myself yet. And I cannot thank Orangeseeds enough for that. 

Today while writing this, I’m sitting in Schine looking back at the past year with Orangeseeds and I could not be more grateful for such an transformative experience. Orangeseeds was a huge expander for me to see what’s possible for myself and all I could do . Each activity is carefully thought out in the most beautiful way - from the ropes course that taught me sometimes you have to fall, to realize it’s not as scary as you think - to the seed greets that highlighted how each individual, in this room, brings something of extreme value to the table, and that’s the power in uniqueness - to The Big Event which taught me how much is possible when 24 people come together in love, passion, and unity and say “let’s make something great”. There is no other way I could’ve gotten this experience in such a fast and immediate manner; and this is exactly what I needed. 

This year I’ve done things I never envisioned for myself. I am more focused and more confident in who I am, what I can do, and in what I can create. First semester took a 400 level course by a professor with a 4.5 Level of Difficulty rating on ratemyprofessor, and in a class of seniors at 17 years old I still walked out with a A. I was invited to speak in my Maxwell Lecture by my professor, and delivered a beautiful speech about democracy. I began to creating bonds with faculty and older intellectuals, and I enjoy that now. I got all A’s both semesters, and that might not be a big deal to some people, but that’s the first time I’ve done that. I see the value and enjoyment in community service, and now I understand how much of an impact an individual can make when looking beyond their immediate self. I’ve begun listening to podcast, writing more vulnerably, saying ‘no’ when I want, and being my most authentic self. And I was asked to speak tonight. But most importantly, I love who am now and I am confident in all I can do - I feel like I could do anything I put my mind to. I love being unique, because Queen’s aren’t like everyone else, and I’m happy being just that. 

I’ve learned that in life there are things we want and most definitely can have, but it takes being your true self to get them. Only once I shed trying to be normal and I stepped into my true self -- could I begin getting the things I wanted, which are things that wanted me for me. This is exactly what happened for me this year, and through this, a lot of hard work, sacrifice, and determination, I achieved one goal I’ve wanted for years - last night I found out I was admitted into Barnard College of Columbia University. 

One of my favorite quotes by Chuck Bass is “Dumbo could always fly. He just needed a magic feather,” Orangeseeds was that magic feather for me. It saw something in me, and now I also see it in myself - I’m a leader, I am capable, I am smart, I am innately valuable, and no one can take that from me. And for that, Orange Seeds, I will forever be grateful. 

I want to thank every single person in this room, for shaping me into who I am today, and know that YOU ALL have made a impact on me in the most beautiful way and left little footprints on my life. I am forever changed, and cannot wait to bring the lessons I’ve learned from all of you, with me for the rest of my life. And even as each of as we graduate, we are all connected and will forever have this same experience to smile back.  

Again, thank you Orange Seeds, I could not be me without you, and I love you forever.