Disregard for human life is sin from a realm other than our own. And to he that hosts this evil, let it be known that who lives by the sword shall die by the sword and curse his family tree for generations to come.

“How many Black people have to die before you realize the injustice which is going on in this country; what video needs to come out; what more do you need to see.” These words came from an unhealed heart after the death of Ahmaud Arbery. And then George Floyd died on camera. 

Something about George Floyd’s death left me at a loss of words. Words mean everything to me, it's how I best communicate, my love language, words have carried me to different cities, brought my name into rooms I never thought I’d be, and have allowed me to make a masterpiece out of thin air. 

And I don’t know what to say to this -- how to communicate the tiredness, devastation, sadness, and anger that I am feeling -- and the frustration kicks in when I can’t even explain it myself, and the frustration continues as I feel more misunderstood than ever. 

The petition, the donating, the posting, the reposting -- no matter how much money, no matter how many posts, no amount can fill the sorrow that is here. But that’s the thing; time to grieve and heal is a luxury which has not been extended to us. Instead, we wake up every day and fight. In the mists of our most devastating losses, hurt, pain, and gravitational disregard for Black life, we get out of bed and we fight for our lives. Who else is doing that?

It feels like being inside of a deflating balloon, losing air, losing time as the world is closing in on all sides. The pandemic is the backdrop. COVID is disproportionately killing Black people, partly because the majority of essential workers are Black and therefore leave us at, not just increased risk, but leaving us with increased death. As Chris Cuomo put it, Black individuals are mandated to “help people” and then the centralized government -- which demands we continue to “help” -- is the same entity that births the police force which is killing Black Americans. 

As Trevor Noah put it, societies run because people agree to universal rules, or “society’s contract,” to behave in a certain way. That’s why everybody isn’t running around killing everyone or walking into other people's houses -- because there is a collective agreement that this behavior is not ok. Likewise, when the contract towards Black people has been shred apart; when police are looting Black bodies, it is unwise to expect those, who recognize that this contract has been broken, to act in accordance with it.

On top of that is the outrage towards individuals who use their White Privilege to deliberately harm Black people-- it’s Amy Cooper in Central Park, who knowingly used her White Privilege to push her agenda and purposefully put Christian Cooper in harm's way. It’s Gregory and Travis McMichael. It’s Derek Chauvin and so many more found in everyday life. 

As Keedron Bryant sings “every day, I’m being hunted as prey; my people don’t want no trouble we’ve had enough struggle,” in his video reposted by so many including Lebron James and Barack Obama, the reality of a young 12-year-old Black man carries in his voice and there is wisdom through this pain.

But to Black Americans, to us, this is no new reality. 

For a long time, I thought that open conversations with White people, especially White friends, was a way to make eyes meet in some way. I love Joyner Lucas’s song “I’m not racist” for that reason. That's why I think Jane Elliott’s exercise where she asks “every non-Black person who wants to be treated like a Black person in this country, stand up” is so powerful. Many times in these open conversations, White companions have express that they don’t think racism exists. Every time this happens I kind of wonder where I went wrong. What does this say about them, but also what does it say about me? However, through recent events, I feel more and more like a lot of White people just don’t get it, and choose to just “not get it.” 

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was America, it took 2.5 centuries while Black people were enslaved to provide a thriving economy for the White man. The 246 years of slavery and the 89 years of segregation were executed by those who believed themselves to be entitled to use Black bodies --  a mentality many of which then passed down to their kin. Now here we are today. 

And repeatedly, as I said before with every injustice done to Black people from the beginning of time, we have not been extended the time to heal and grieve. So, to those who don’t understand why Minneapolis and other cities around the country are burning right now, it is evident that you don’t understand what it is like to be Black or what it feels like. When a loved one dies, and in the case of many Black Americans it is many loved ones who have died and been treated as less than human, and there is no space to heal because we are simultaneously fighting for our own lives, how can you not understand why the grief is manifesting in other spaces?

If you have ever grieved a loved one, then you know: those feelings don’t just go away, you can bottle them -- sure -- but one day what you have kept a whisper will be shouted from rooftops, filled with pain. This is why the city is on fire. Whether you support peaceful or violent style protest at the moment, that is your own belief, but to not be able to understand why this is happening would be to reject your heart. 

Judging the symptoms, judging the protest, and missing the illness, racism, is a tactic to distract the public from the real issue and distract yourself as well, as you continue to just talk about the protest. 

As Stephen Jackson said “to my White brothers, I love you. Every race here, I love you. But it comes to a point now, where if you love me and you are not standing on the side of me, then your love doesn't mean shit.” 

It is difficult to explain feelings, universally, so it is conceivable that it is also difficult for non-Blacks to understand what it feels like to be Black in America; however, at a bare minimum, what is easy to understand are the history, facts, and realities of Black Americans. So, understand this: in the current situation what brings about such heavy pain is knowing any of us could be George Floyd. For that to be our brother, our father, a member of our community -- our community which has been under ambush in America for centuries. I would go so far as to say that I even find it somewhat insensitive when White friends see Black killings and do not check-in with their Black companions  -- because they don’t realize how much of an effect that this has and therefore don’t even think to reach out. That’s the issue. 

A young Black man made a post saying “wtf is this ‘your silence is anti-Black’ going around. Nigga shut up. Everyone wanna be pro-Black now and gonna forget about it in two months. Nigga I’m in this regardless.” His post somewhat missed the essence behind the anti-silence movement, the sentiment that silence equals compliance, but I also saw the point of the post to be true. While to some extent, I appreciate the post and condolences of many White people, companies, and organizations -- I think it is also important to recognize those who are fighting for Black rights day-in and day-out versus those who do so now to be politically correct. 

I always thought it was a talent in a way to be able to recognize the realness of a person, and now more than even I invite you to think about who is fighting the good fight and who is riding the justice train just while their favorite celebrities are. Who sticks around when the camera’s cut and who goes back home sloppily screams the N-word to their favorite song. Who is here for through sickness and through health and who is just here to take the things they like -- the music, the hair, the language, the wisdom, the bodies, the good dick -- and some. 

This fight is nothing new for Black Americans. Having to work twice as hard to get into the same positions as White individuals, having to walk the straight and narrow to get into the same room as White people, having to be graceful and palatable to sit at the same table as White people yet they may have half the gumption -- this is something we know too well. Twice as good. Obama could have never been Obama if he had a Stormy Daniels in his closet. Twice as good, always.

I am trusting in the fact that one day we shall be delivered from evil.

“If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” - Martin Luther King Jr

I have been thinking of this in regards to our fight against the injustices in America. However you know how to fight, it is worth fighting. 

We needed Martin Luther King Jr. and we also needed Malcolm X, just as we needed Angela Davis we also needed Toni Morrison; just as we needed Lebron James we also needed Colin Kaepernick. Each individual has joined the movement in a different way and sometimes contrasting ways, but have promoted the advancement of Black Americans. Just as we needed Beyonce to be her glorious self and do things like be the first Black woman to headline Coachella and break those barriers, we also needed N.W.A. saying “fuck the police” as perfectly as they did and speaking the mind of the Black community.  

That is all to say, no matter what your approach is, however you know how to fight against racism; I need you by my side, just as so many others do. And we may not all be in sync, it may not be all at the same, it will not all be in the same area, or of the same magnitude, but your spirit, your voice, and your vote is needed. Some will fight by just being excellent; some will use their beauty and grace to get a seat at the table, some will fight by shouting from the rooftops, and some will fight by making others tremble -- but however it is, we need each other.

If you can’t ride with me on this, this is farewell.